Only Shades of Grey
by Rivana
Summary: Will contain crossovers and SLASH. Xander's back from Africa after hearing about Spike's return and heads to Wolfram&Hart. (SX will be friendship.)
1. Default Chapter

**Disclaimer:** Nope, I don't own anything from Buffy or Angel. Only thing I can claim any rights to are the song lyrics, the rest all belongs to someone else. I only share with you my love of writing and my appreciation of the series. No money being made of this, no malice intended.

**A/n:** This will contain SLASH people, don't like, don't read I ain't your mother and I don't care about your prejudice.

This can be considered angst-y I guess, though really it's just a greater level of seriousness.

Whether or not the characters are portrayed ooc or not is up to you to decide, I don't care, I write them as I see fit. This here is my playground, what I say goes.

Mentions of rape. If there is sex it will be graphic, the violence likewise. Here there be cussing people, we're all adults and if you're not, well then it's you breaking the law bucko not me.

Past season seven with flashbacks to AU moments.

Like any sane author I love feedback, I crave feedback it makes my heart go flipidy flop, dancing in joy. Constructivism is the word, but if you just want to say 'good job' that's always appreciated too.

**A/n2:** Yes this here is a new story, the floppy disc I brought home to my parents over the holidays didn't work so I haven't been able to write anything on Rewind, kid. So I started this story to pass the time. Hope you enjoy…

**_The Wayward Son_**

It's been one year and eleven days since he last set foot on American soil. One year he's been out in Africa, finding slayers and finding himself in the process. He's older now, his baring has changed. His clothes are rough and made for hiking, made for fighting. Some times during his stay in the cradle of civilization he's wondered why he got to go there all by himself. It's not like he was trusted, not like they thought they needed him, not that he was competent, still he went to one of the roughest and toughest places on Earth to find girls with superpowers among all groups of society. Among the thugs in Johannesburg, the students in the schools, the tribes out in never never land. Maybe Giles just didn't know what to expect from the place that bore the first slayer, maybe he just didn't think about it.

Xander knew though. He knew about so many variables of demons and how to kill them that he had actually written a whole book on the subject after six months. Which he succinctly had posted on the intra net of the watcher's council. Giles' reaction to that had been comical if it hadn't been so damn tragic. His first question had been if it was a joke, forgivable maybe. No, not really, but understandable. His other question had been if he wanted to go home, Xander had answered that with one single word –no. The next question had been if he wanted some back up. Xander had laughed as he read that, 6 months of trecking the deserts and the djungles, dealing with demons, vampires, scared parents and terrified girls and now they asked if he wanted back up. He had gracefully declined, saying that it would take up to much of his time to pick up his would be companions and training them in customs and how to take care of themselves. He was fine on his own.

In hind sight, he felt grateful that the new formed watcher's council hadn't known what he ventured out into, they probably wouldn't have let him anywhere near the continent if they had. It had been rough in the beginning, oh hell it had been rough all the way really, but he had learned so much and seen and done so many things that the difficulties entailed just didn't seem to compare in importance. The natives of the land simply called him Wanderer, that's what he was. But other words were also spoken, words like hunter, ghost and shaman. The White Devil was a name he had only heard in passing in a bar. When he'd gone to investigate this new name a silence had fell that he normally only associated with one of his master vampires walking into a bar. A sense of trepidation that filled the air 'til it could almost be cut through with a knife.

That had been three months ago, which was when he finally realized how changed he was. Sure he knew that he was more knowledgeable he had learned secrets from shamans and voodoo practitioners and stories from the elders, dirty tricks from friends in the cities. He had gone on more ritual hunts than he could count and knew at least a few words in many languages spoken on the vast continent including some demonic ones. He had befriended human and demon alike and had had many companions on his journeys that stayed for a while and then left. Sometimes they were companions that he would never speak of to the council, as new and improved as it may be.

He'd met a guy too, a rich and handsome man with a great many secrets and even more sorrows. They'd been together on and off over the course of the past six months. Xander had never felt as content and secure with a lover as he did with Methos. The Immortal, because that's what he was, an immortal. 5000 years old and he could not die unless his head was severed from his body. He had showed him many things, taught him many things, how to use a sword with mastery was one of those things though many times Xander would still use his axe in fighting because it made a sturdier weapon and he didn't want to risk the sword that was his lover's gift needlessly. Of course Methos was more a friend than the love of his life and that was fine with Xander, you could never have too many friends.

He sighed as he looked on the mass of humans that moved around on LAX, his Hyena was going crazy with so many people around and up close. Hell his human side was going crazy too, he'd gotten used to the open wild as of late.

The Hyena, yes that had been quite the challenge to make her submit and join with him after the demon shaman in Gh-phnmskl had shown him how to communicate with the primal spirit that had been locked away in his mind all those years ago instead of being exorcised with the rest of her pack. Joining with the Hyena after a long night of fighting on a mental battleground had left Xander as something similar to a vampire, a bit stronger really, but without the constant blood drinking and fight beween demon and soul.

That was something else he had learned from the shaman, the truth about Vampires and their souls. The soul never leaves, it's simply suppressed and the demon calls on its baser instincts, so vampires did love, only they hated with equal or greater ferocity and since their only food source was blood it was only natural that the demon got the bigger end of the stick so to say. That was apparently the secret to Angel and Spike. Angel's curse had been so constructed as to completely suppress the demon side and so heavy with guilt that the vampire could hardly even feed himself. With the added guilt and the danger of the curse the vampire's existence had been completely unnatural and confused add to that the fact that Angel chose a slayer of all people to get a moment of happiness with and it was no wonder that Angelus had been livid and certifiable when the demonside was finally released, Angelus was in fact the whole person demon and soul combined, but being insane had led to the wonders of a really twisted Valentines' day and Acathla.

And god did he want to forget that Valentine's Day. Angelus had been relentless in his courting after that day and adamant about showing how little he cared about the young slayer. Xander had dodged every sexual advance, by some miracle, highly due to his two former possessions for which he was highly grateful. A cursed Angel was a whiny cowered or an adequate allay depending if it was a good day or not, an insane Angelus was worse, he'd let all boundaries go and had they gotten together the chances where great that Xander would have died from that encounter simply because the master vampire had lost all sense of perspective.

But, Willow had tried to end the world also and she didn't have the excuse of blood loss and a hundred years of torture so what the hell, Angelus could be absolved too in Xander's opinion, he was insane after all, something which, granted was his own fault in some ways, but that gypsy curse had simply been moronic from start to finish.

Spike, now there was a dousy, as far as Xander could reckon Spike's soul was more often than not actually in control of the vampire even before the so called ensoulment that had brought it promptly to the fore. That Wish demon had been one hell of a negotiator. Even Xander with all his new strengths had had some trouble getting out of that situation He had prevailed though and emerged from the caves with a new eye and another slayed demon under his notch. Well he could hardly leave the thing alive, it granting wishes to any and all that made it through the trials was dangerous to say the least. Well, anyway all the wish had really done to Spike was to simply finalize the merger between human and demon and make sure that the soul was always in charge. Something that would actually happen with age too for other vampires and also if the demon and soul got to liking eachother from the get go, assuming the soul was strong enough of course.

Xander had long known, not all demons where bad. Of course most vampires were bad but that had more to do with what people they were when turned and whether or not they were made minions or childer. Minions kept very little of the soul connection to make them more obedient and one track minded while childer where made for companionship and therefore where allowed to keep more of their humanity. The reason why most vampires were so cruel often had to do with upbringing more than anything else. Spending your existence being alternately tortured, fucked and mind warped by your sire could turn most into cold blooded killers.

Christ did they have to be so loud and obnoxious.

Xander shook his head. Well the Hyena side of him had been good on many an occasion of course there were some odd quirks like wanting his stake very rare and claiming pack. That's what he's done with Angel and Spike, that's why he called them 'his master vampires'. Because they were, them and the scoobies and the girls he'd found in Africa and some other people and beings as well, they were all pack. Had been since the initial possession really, but it hadn't really been a big deal since the Hyena had been as repressed as she had. All he'd had left after that spell that more had given him a chance to take control of his possession as anything else, had been some enhanced senses, the memories of the pack and the hunt. He'd continued taking care of his pack even after the so called depossession of course.

Since Hyena had never really left he still felt responsible for them all and he had tried to make sure that they were all okay during the aftermath of the principal's death and all through graduation. Every one of them had left the state after that which had filled Xander with both sadness and relief. Contrary to popular belief he had in fact not lost his virginity to Faith, but during those days of the hunt. He'd slept with all of his pack members, sex being used as reward as well as punishment or just good old fun of course and that's what had made him realize that having a man or woman really didn't matter to him in bed as long as the sex was good.

Finally he was at the last security check. _Fuck, I'm so out of here. _

He had some things that needed delivering to Wolfram and Hart, but had decided that that could wait for the time being. Tonight he was going out to acclimatize himself and have a little down time, giving himself a chance to calm down. When he'd finally gotten word a week ago that Spike apparently was unalive and well under Angel's reign. Xander had been absolutely livid that no one had bothered to tell him this before. Not to mention pissed off that Spike himself hadn't let him know that he was okay. Something that was very strange considering the close connection that they had had before the last battle with the First.

Yes they were all going to have a long talk about that tomorrow. Tonight he needed a place to relax and let his mind go.

Xander hailed a taxi outside and headed for the posh hotel that the Watcher's Council had booked for him. He could easily smell that the driver was a demon, but that didn't bother him. He was just minding his business like anyone else.

"Hey, d'you know if Caritas's been rebuilt?"

The demon flashed him a look in the mirror.

"Yeah, opened last week down on Truman and third. Lorne's got a new booth and everything."

"Cool.

There was silence for a moment and then the demon spoke again.

"Sorry, to disturb, but you smell like you're in from Africa. I've got some cousins down there in J'burg. Wonder if you've met'em. Journo owns a bar down by the docks."

Xander smiled broadly.

"Hell yeah, we've met. Journo does one mean Sugelflug drink. There's one hell of a kick to that one if you're to believe my friend it's the best damn liquor on this side of hell and he should know. 'Course Minya beats him over the head regularly when he lets those Mourna demons drink too much. It's just so fun when they get drunk, but Minya thinks it's disrespectful to the elders to let the kids run wild."

The demon in the front seat laughed.

"Yeah that's Minya for'ya. Always looking out for everyone she's got a mother hen streak a mile wide."

"Yep, she was expecting a third little one when I left a month ago."

"Really, thanks man. I really should send a card or something. Gotta keep your family close ya'know."

"Yeah…"

Xander looked out the window and sighed. Family, pack. Xander had not only been livid when he heard about Spike, but also he'd felt completely shocked when he heard about him being brought back by the powers. He was completely confused over why they would bring him back as a vampire though, but figured it had had a lot to do with simply needing another strong champion. Gods he'd missed his Spike, his William. They had spent so much time together the two years before the destruction of Sunnydale and the subsequent death or whatever it was of Spike. They'd talked a lot and Spike had opened up to him like no other because Xander didn't really care that he was a vampire, he judged people on face value and anyone should have been able to see the depth of the master vampire's feelings. Poor Will, he'd called himself Love's Bitch and it really was the truth.

Xander knew all about that, he'd had his fair share of bad breaks. The best times he'd had had been with guys. Jesse, whom he'd killed with his own two hands, Kyle and Thor from his original pack, Damian on the road trip after graduation and Methos. Though they had been close out of sight from the rest of the scoobies there had never been anything sexual between him and Spike. For some reason Xander had always felt like the older one when dealing with the vampire.

It probably had a lot to do with the lack of comfort and care that Spike had enjoyed in his life. Though he had existed for over a century he had not really gotten to live all that much. Killing had never really been all that high up on the agenda, it had more been something that he did to prove himself to his peers and betters and yeah he'd taken to it with a childish glee when he had no choice. Despite the fact, Spike had even before his so called resouling been one of the most human persons that Xander knew. But of course masks had to be worn and secrets kept, that was the way of the Hellmouth.

Be that as it may Xander had decided to adopt the vampire and the Hyena in him actually made him think of the vampire as his cub. The thought was of course hilarious in its impossibility. Spike was well over a century old and definitely not a child, but that didn't change Xander's want to protect and care for him. Of course there'd been some rough times and while with others they never blatantly displayed any affection, quite the opposite in fact. Never the less Xander was going to see his cub in the morning and punish him for his idiocy and inconsiderate behaviour after crushing him in a hug and rain down kisses on his blond hair and angelic features.

Xander shook his head. Enough of this, they had reached the hotel and further thoughts could wait come morning. It wasn't as if he hadn't brooded enough about Spike, Angel and all of his family this whole past week.

He thanked and tipped the driver who gave him a calling card in case he needed anything, then he went and checked in to his suite to shower and change his outfit before heading out for the night.

Reaching the seemingly empty lot where the newly open Caritas should be, Xander took a nervous breath of air before entering.

He had met an anagogic demon before, down in Africa and when he'd sung for him the demon had fainted and entered a slight coma. The demon after waking had then told him that he was too sensitive to be able to read anything from Xander. Apparently there was so much there that the demon simply became overpowered by it, the demon had then told him that the only thing he could think of for Xander to do was to find someone with similar gifts, but not as sensitive.

Apparently there were different levels of sensitivity for anagoges and someone with lower levels should be able to read him, in theory. So that's why he was here, to see if Lorne could get something out of him. It might be a long shot but it was all Xander could think of. At first singing to Anama in Africa had only been for fun, but when hearing the difficulties that the demon had with his reading he swiftly came to the conclusion that there had to be big things in his future, things like more apocalypses perhaps and if that was the case forewarned was definitely forearmed.

Coming into the warm and well-lit bar Xander headed directly for the counter were he waited for a chance to talk to Lorne alone. After a while the green skinned demon walked up from behind him.

"Well hello there tall, dark and gorgeous, welcome to Caritas. Please tell me that you sing as good as you look?"

Xander turned around with a smile on his face.

"Lorne." He nodded.

"It's good to see the face of an ally again."

"Pardon?"

"My name is Alexander Harris, you might have heard of me?"

Lorne gaped.

"I certainly have, quite frequently, I might add. If you don't mind, why are you here? I mean why aren't you at Wollfram and Hart?"

Xander raised an eyebrow at that.

"I just arrived this evening and wanted some downtime before dealing with Angel."

His voice must have hinted at his not so slight irritation at the law firm's CEO, because Lorne suddenly went from host to guarded friend in a split second.

"Oh, you think he needs dealing with?"

Xander sipped from the drink he'd acquired as soon as he'd gotten to the bar counter before levelling his eyes squarely at the anagogic demon.

"Angel always needs dealing with, it's the bane of my existence. And since it seems that the newly founded watcher's council don't trust him all that much anymore I feel it to be my obligation to check up on things personally… Like Spike."

"Oh."

Lorne suddenly seemed very flustered and uncomfortable, but was doing his best to cover it up it seemed.

Xander felt himself tense up at the sign that all was not as it should be with his vampire and narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

"Lorne, is there something I should know perhaps about the situation at Wollfram and Hart?"

"Maybe there is, handsome. But I think that seeing it with your own eyes might be the better way."

"I see. Well then I was looking forward to singing here tonight so I was wondering I you could tell me what sensitivity level you are so I know if it'll work?"

"I'm only a level 5 actually, but I can read important stuff sometimes."

If he could, Xander would have sworn that the demon was actually blushing at his admittance of his shortcomings.

"But hang on, how did you know about sensitivity levels?"

"Oh I met a Pylean down in Africa, he was too sensitive to be able to read anything from me so he advised me to find someone less sensitive to sing to."

"Hang on there sweetcheekes. Are you saying that you've talked to a living, breathing Pylean, here, on Earth?"

Xander's eyebrows furrowed.

"Well yeah, there's actually this small colony down there that was founded some hundred years ago or so. Why?"

"Why?"

The demon looked ready to faint at any minute so Xander smoothly got up and stirred him towards an empty seat.

"I thought I was the only one?"

Xander's heart clenched at the desolate voice.

"You though you were the only one of your kind on Earth? Wow, I'm sorry, if I'd have known I would have forwarded some info to Angel as soon as I met them. I can find a way to contact them for you if you'd like?"

Lorne's eyes suddenly sparkled back to life.

"If I'd like? Sweetie, that would be the single best thing ever! I will be in your dept."

Xander smiled and gave the elated demon a one armed hug.

"Consider it done, I'll have a contact of mine get in touch with Anama and I'm sure he'll have gotten back to you within a week at most."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

Lorne sat in silence for a while before shaking himself from top to toe and locking eyes with Xander.

"Now, about that song. You said the other person you sung to was too sensitive to be able to read anything off of you."

"Yeah." Xander blushed faintly. "Anama actually went in a coma for a day. It's okay if you don't want to risk it, it's just that it'd be really good if I could get to know something about the future, anything. It might be important, hell considering who I am and where I grew up it wouldn't surprise me if it had an apocalypse attached to it."

Lorne looked serious.

"You've given me a great gift by offering to help me get in touch with my brethren and you've shown tonight that even though you hunt demons, you don't discriminate blindly against us. Besides that you've fought on the Hellmouth and saved the world, I think you deserve all the help I can give you. I can't promise anything, but if you sing I will try to read you."

Xander nodded.

"I really don't require any payment for doing the right thing, but I will sing if you're sure. But promise me that if you start to feel pain of feel faint you have me stop. Just shout the word and I'll hear you and stop immediately. Sound good?"

"Sounds great sweet cheeks. Don't worry about me though. If it gets too much I'll go into the back room, it's sound proof. Now, what would you like to sing?"

"Well, actually if you have a guitar available, I'd like to sing a song I've composed myself."

Lorne beamed.

"So you can sing! That's wonderful, it'll make things so much better for me. Sure there is an acoustic guitar with amplifier, just follow me."

Lorne headed out on to the floor and the stage beyond and Xander followed.

Soon thereafter he was seated on a barstool up on stage, doing the last fine tuning of the instrument. Then nodding to Lorne who had bunkered up in a corner of the room near his 'emergency exit with a glass of scotch in front of him he started his singing. Firs off the words came slow and hesitantly, but just after the first two lines he was lost in the music and the memories it carried.

_Well I did what needed doing and_

_I saw what to be seen_

_And I lived my life for fighting_

_And I fought for the dream_

_Oh, I did my time for treason though_

_My reasons were my own_

_And I left some secrets hidden_

_not to reap what I had sown_

He'd always been the one that did what had to be done, he staked Jesse, stood up to Angelus, lied to Buffy about the ensoulment spell. Something that was still one of his most guarded secrets. He'd been the one who saw. Just as Caleb had said, that's why the first had never come near him. He could see straight through those lies. Pity it didn't help him see which lovers where going to try to kill him though.

Ever since meeting Buffy he had lived for the fighting. He'd fought because it was the right thing to do, because he couldn't let anyone else loose loved ones to the darkness if he could help it.

_I have lost some friends and loved ones_

_On the winding road to here_

_But it all comes down to this my friend_

_That life does win, in the end_

That was one truth, when he'd written this song he'd still thought that Spike was dead. Singing it now he could still feel the sorrow at that thought. He also felt the weight of all the other people he'd lost along the way, to death and to life. His pack and his friends they'd all deserted him one way or another. But that didn't matter because he would always stay true and in the end Life was what mattered and living life and remembering the good times.

_But friends they need a shoulder yeah_

_They need a standing stone_

_So if you change before your time_

_Words scar you to the bone_

_And when the curtain's fallen oh_

_You need a changing roll_

_So you go and fight another war_

_Though fighting takes its toll_

He'd always been the heart of the scoobies. The human one, the one they fought for, or so they said. He'd never wanted that role, not really, but someone had to keep them all grounded at the weight had feel on his shoulders. That was why Buffy had always been so adamant about him not fighting. She needed him to live the normal life that she denied herself because of her calling. None of them had ever wanted to see anything else than the joker and the heart and so he had stayed that way, only showing another side when they weren't present or too hard pressed in a fight to notice.

But no one could live a lie forever and after Sunnydale had fallen Xander had just been too damn tired to play the same old games. Of course fighting alone in Africa had not always been easy. He had met friends down there, good friends or people, persons who could have been good friends if they hadn't died. Some part of him thought that he should be used to losses, but the truth of the matter was that he never would be and if he ever became that placate, he swore he'd take his own life.

_I have lost some friends and loved ones_

_On the winding road to here_

_But it all comes down to this my friend_

_That life does win, in the end_

Xander checked for Lorne, he hadn't left, but was slumping heavily over the table furiously massaging his temples. When Xander had finished the song the green demon rose staggering from his seat and hurried to the safe room. Xander hesitantly followed relieved that he hadn't been the cause of another coma, but still worried over the Pylean's health.

"Lorne?"

He kept his voice low and closed the door as fast as he could against the sounds of the outside club. The green demon was lying on a leather couch nursing a glass of whiskey with a towel over his eyes. He must have had that one prepared before. Xander waited patiently for an answer and when none came he sighed and went to sit in an armchair to wait for the anagogic demon to pull himself together again.

"You realize of course that I won't be able to work again for a few days…"

Xander opened his eyes in response to finally hearing Lorne's voice.

"I'm sorry."

Lorne waved a hand in his general direction.

"No, no. It's all right, this was important. I can't tell you too much though, simply because these are the sort of things were self-fulfilling prophecies come to mind. Right now I see your path clearly and you're of such…importance in the great scheme of things that I simply cannot in good conscience tell you things that might influence your actions."

Xander frowned. That sounded, troubling. So, he wasn't in for retirement, but there really were things so important tied to him that Lorne didn't even want to talk about it. Great. Really, that was just, great. No help in other words…

"I can respect that, is there anything at all that you can tell me?"

Xander swore that he could actually hear the demon frowning as he tried to come up with an answer.

"I can tell you some of the little things to ease your way, it won't actually affect your decisions just speed things up a bit…"

Lorne quieted and Xander wondered for a moment if the demon had fainted anyway, then he saw the glass of scotch moving and he leaned back in his chair to patiently wait things out.

"I'm listening."

"All right, here goes nothing. You can show Spike how you feel about him and preferably in a blatant way. He craves affection and will not really be insulted because it's you, anyone else of your age and he'd be tearing their throats out, but you have a way about you that makes people trust you and your intentions. Claim him and he's yours."

Xander blinked at that. That was really, wow. He could claim Spike for real.

"What about Angel?"

Lorne took a deep gulp of the golden liquid before answering.

"Angel… That's complicated. He is not right, you need to fix him. Make him become Angelus again, for real this time, healed and whole. The rest, well, I'm sure you can find a way to make things right… Know that Liam and the Demon both love you, Angelus loves you. The senior slayer is unstable and needs counselling, her relationship with the one calling himself The Immortal is unhealthy. The Key is still the Key, whatever you may have thought about time limits. She was, she is and will always be, her human form will only last one lifetime though, after that the Key essence will return to its original form. Dawn has a soul though which is separate from that which is the Key so don't worry about that. Your friend the witch is not what who you want her to be, she never was, she can still become that though, but she needs her powers bound or she'll end up worse that the Chaos Sorcerer. He is slowly starting to heal, be kind to him, his life has been one of hardship and he never really had any mal intent. He and your watcher friend need each other. They are two parts of a whole, you need to help them get back to the love they've always shared. Wesley is a lot like your William, he still needs you. Don't blame yourself for forcing him to walk on his own two feet, you did the right thing, but remember that he is family, remind him of that. Everyone you meet you impact Alexander, that is your greatest gift and it gives you enormous power over the individual people, remember that. It's for good and bad, a two-edged word.

That's all I'm gonna tell you about family issues as far as visions go. As for other things. The evil that is the Wolf, the Ram and the Hart are in no way defeated and are trying to regain control of LA. You cannot under any circumstances let this come to pass."

The silence stretched on after that.

"That's it. That's all you're going to tell me, some things about my family to watch my back?"

"Your family is your strength, Alexander and I'm not only telling you to watch your back, I'm telling you that evil will try to take control over LA and that cannot be allowed, no matter what."

Xander nodded. This time he understood what the anagogic demon was trying to say without saying it. There would be hard days ahead.

After that Lorne's visions were done, but Xander stayed for a while longer listening to the demon telling him of some of the things he had missed while not being in better contact with the fang gang and he also spoke some more about Angel and Spike and his words made Xander's stomach clench, things were not a ok in LA that was for sure.


	2. Memories Coming to the Fore

**A/n: **

kat8cha -Thanks. Sorry, don't think there'll be any Angel/Wesley/Spike. **#hugs** Hope you'll make do anyways...

Layce74-Thank you, I'll try, but this issort of angsty, hopefully I won't overdo it though since I hate that too.

Lady Bird5-Oh yeah, the twists just keep on turning. Thank you and enjoy!

**_Chapter 2_**

* * *

_**Memories Coming to the Fore**_

* * *

When the cab drove up to the giant building that housed the offices of Wolfram & Hart Xander spared one quick thought on what could have beens before getting out of the cab and thanking the demon who had apparently taken a liking to him. It was nice to meet people who appreciated that sort of thing, Xander mused as he walked up to the glass encased entrance. This was his first visit to the new and improved law firm and Xander nodded appreciably at the changes made within. It was more tastefully decorated than the last time he had been there on business. Something that he hoped to the gods none of the former Scoobies ever found out about. Come on it wasn't like there were many other law firms you could use when selling more or less stolen goods and moving around money in anonymous bank accounts and get out of jail when some cop didn't realize that there wasn't a murder if the guy killed didn't even exist let alone breathe. Of course he'd had to move all his business after he was told that the law firm was a big bad all on its own. It wouldn't do for them to have anything to use against him in case they ever came up directly against each other. Anyways, he really hoped he wouldn't run in to anyone who had ever seen him in person. It was highly unlikely, but it could happen. 

He'd used his real father's name when dealing with the firm; Lavelle was a respected name in demon circles apparently, who'd have thunk it. Of course when he'd learned of that little fact he'd gone out on his 'summer voyage of discovery' to find his errant father and have a long talk about leaving kids with crazy parents on the fucking mouth to hell of all places. He'd gotten a card with a phone number from his mother to use which he had once he'd gotten to LA, imagine his surprise when the person answering immediately sent a limo to take him to the airport and a plane ride to France. Hours later he'd been sitting in a mansion in France just outside of Paris talking with his father; Chrístoffer Lavelle.

_The fire was crackling in the giant fireplace emitting a soft scent of pinetree and soothing his beast within. The Hyena spirit was a creature of earth and flame and she felt at home here. With her help he could smell the kinship to the person in front of him; the very imposing personality that was Chrístoffer Lavelle. _

_"I am very happy to see you Alexandre. I am glad that you are well, not many people these days can say that they've faced a true demon and lived to tell about it. I was most impressed by your tactical advancements this year, the plan for the Ascension was very well thought out considering."_

_Xander narrowed his eyes._

_"So you have been spying on me I take it?"_

_A small smile greeted that somment._

_"Oui Alexandre. You are my son, of course I wished to know everything about you."_

_"Your son? That's rich, I don't ever know you and how the fuck do you justify letting me live with those idiots only a few hundred yards from hell itself?"_

_Xander tried to keep his voice low and even, though the effort made him want to growl. He settled for quietly gritting his teeth together._

_"Ah, yes, well, you see Alexandre, for now your life is your own. You have no responsibilities to the Council or family of which I am a part of. You are a free agent. Something you could never have been had I taken a hand in your care from day one. Secondly your life has been a trial of fire, to be able to fully understand other's suffering you need to have suffered. To appreciate riches you need to have felt what it is like to be poor. To be a leader you need to be able to fend for yourself and to know yourself. That is why you have led the life you have. To be a part of the Council you need to be able to see every shade of life, every shadow. Your friends see things in black and white yes? The Council is of the Shadows, therefore you must learn to see the grey."_

_A Shadow Council. Xander could feel the words spinning in his head, drawing out speculations and associations of what it could mean and implicate. His first thought was to get out of the chair he was sitting in, leave this mansion and never come back. He had bad experiences with councils. The Watcher Council had been bad, bad news. However, this was his father and he was right, living on the Hellmouth had taught him these things and well, he of course had other ways of knowing things like this. There were things to be said about Chaos spells that were not all bad. He may not like it, but he lived his life in war, every advantage was an edge he couldn't afford to lose. He needed information and he needed to understand. So he had asked questions and his father had told him about the Shadow Council of the world._

_He had stayed with his father for a month and a half. Getting to know the other man at least some and learning many other things as well like an appreciation for poetry and playing chess, well that and he'd gotten some practice with his sparing and his marksmanship with guns and archery, afterwards he had left for the US once more and continued on with his travels until it was time to go home._

With most of his mind centred on the past Xander announced himself to the receptionist on the ground floor before heading straight for the elevators and the main floor on top. Lorne had told him quite a bit about how the new Wolfram & Hart was organized and he knew where everyone should be, especially he knew where his Spike should be and that pissed him off. Apparently Spike wasn't trusted to do much of anything and Angel had been acting 'funny' around him since he went and got corporeal again and not in a nice kind of way. Xander muttered about crazy ass vampires who should know the difference between acting like revenants and being such, goddamned Aurelians… Reaching the top floor he stepped out of the elevator with a dangerous gait and headed for the room where Spike should be. Breezing by the secretary, some nameless blonde; Harmony had apparently been dusted, he didn't stop as she challenged him.

"Name's Alexander Harris," he said and then he was standing outside a nondescript wooden door.

He could sense his vampire on the other side. The door was locked. Xander's lips twisted in disgust before he muttered a small spell and the door was opening before him. On the other side of the room stood Spike, facing the magical windows, watching the sun. Beautiful, Xander taught.

"Hey Blue Eyes…"

Spike didn't turn around and Xander fought down a lump in his throat. He moved towards the vampire and put his hands on the narrow shoulders.

"Hey…"

A pale face turned to look at him, eyes big and blue and full of tears.

"Didn't think you'd ever show up…"

The words were spoken clearly and with mixed emotions.

Xander's throat tightened even more when seeing the brave front his vampire put up despite the tears that he must have fought to keep hidden. Fuck them all, his vampire would not distrust him, should not even think that he wouldn't have been here, wouldn't want to be here.

"I didn't know, blue eyes. I hopped a plane the second I found out you were back. I love you, it's gonna be alright now. I promise."

The shoulders under his hand sagged and Spike turned around to bury his face in his chest.

"Missed you…they wouldn't let me call you, then I just thought, well you didn't come…"

The tears were following freely now and Xander growled.

"You thought that because I hadn't come that I'd deserted you just like everyone else you've ever known. You should fucking know better!"

"But you weren't here were you. Never, you just..."

The vampire mumbled something inaudible.

"What was that?"

"Ssd on…"

"Okay…One more time blue eyes, I didn't quite catch that."

"Shouda known."

"Spike? Who should have known what?"

Spike raised his head and glared defiantly at him.

"You should have bloody well known I was alive that's what!"

Xander felt his heart plummet. Powers…Spike was right, he should have known, somehow. But whatever else he was he wasn't all knowing and he simply didn't have those kinds of powers, not yet, not without something to send his mind that away, but Spike had been dead for real, no matter. He should have sensed something, anything and he should have taken the time to go to Angel and see how he was doing after loosing another childer… And he should have made sure, absolutely sure that Spike was dead. He could have done that with a spell. The gods knew people had a habit of coming back from the dead at the Hellmouth, he should have made sure. Spike had died or whatever by magic, that made changes, he knew that. He just hadn't thought.

Anyway had he only claimed Spike properly at anytime that point had been moot, there would have been a connection and he would have known, but he hadn't, for various reasons he hadn't the biggest one being that he couldn't tap into the Hyena spirit's power all that much and therefore was not in a position to dominate the vampire physically and that as he understood it was important in a claiming. Of course he did have magical powers so really that was a lousy excuse and it wasn't as if he'd ever want to dominate Spike anyway. That wasn't how he did things, he just hadn't thought that it was something that the much older man would go for. Those were his insecurities however, but it was Spike that had had to pay for them.

"I'm sorry." Xander whispered while putting a hand in ungelled, blonde locks, tugging gently until he could reach the vampires brow with his lips.

"Sorry? Sorry doesn't make anything right, doesn't take away pain or loneliness or despair or…or it just bloody well don't, Xan. It just don't!"

"I know."

Xander pulled the vampires head back to his chest and tightened his arms around the smaller frame.

"I know. But it'll be okay now. I promise and you know I don't make promises I don't intend to keep."

"You swear it, Xan? Angelus promised me lots of things, but he's a right wanker with or without a soul and I just, I'm tired pet. So bloody fucking tired."

"Yeah."

Xander kissed his vampire's hair and stroked his neck.

"So how's things been. I talked a little to Lorne, but he would only tell me that Angel's been acting weird around you. You want to tell me more?"

"Yeah, fine."

The sigh that accompanied the words made Xander's heart clench, Angel had better find a nice and dark corner to hide, he thought with vehemence.

He eyed the couch in the room with determination and manhandled the vampire there and into his lap in a few fluid movements that many people would be surprised to see. The vampire, despite his 127 years of age let himself be handled and cuddled quietly into his lap without objections. It was a position they had used a few times over the years due to the heavy angst that the vampire had experienced after the chip and then after the ensoulment.

_Xander was thankful when the gang decided that he should take over the care for Spike. Seeing him chained in that bathtub had made his skin crawl, that was just plain wrong. The fucking Initiative was an abomination, you didn't do stuff like that to people, undead or otherwise. If a revenant was dangerous you killed them, if a vamp was insane you put them out of their misery or got the hell out of the way putting machinery in someone's head that was barbaric hopefully they didn't do anything too nasty and didn't manage to capture too many demons or non normals or non hostiles. _

_Yeah, Xan, that's it, thinking positive will make everything okay yeah? Buffy is fucking dating one of those people. Powers, don't they realize what a menace they are? Of course not, to the slayer all demons are evil, all non humans are evil. But it could have been Oz they captured or a witch. Thank the gods I've already alerted the community about this, all non hostile demons and non normals should have gotten clear of Sunnyhell by now, or at least gotten safe. I just hope there haven't been too many captured, I've gotta get a good look in that base, see if I can release anyone. Hopefully Spike can help me with that, there's more to him than it seems, I'm sure of it. _

_"Yeah, bye Buf. See ya tomorrow. Come on fangless wonder, let's go." _

_Xander cringed inwardly at his on flippant derogatory remarks, but masks were what they were and once set could not be altered without jeopardizing the play. _

_As they got to the Basement where he'd have to live now to keep his secret he shot a look at the vampire by his side. He wore masks too, right now the Big Bad was up and at arms, the vamp wouldn't show weakness and would hate pity. He needed to feel some dignity somehow. Xander did what he could to provide that with his witty banter and tying the vampire up in a chair at first. After hearing the quiet sobbing of the vampire at night though he simply couldn't do it more than a couple of nights. He'd just have to take a chance and trust Spike now. _

_As night fell once more Spike went to the chair and obediently waited to be tied up. Xander just shook his head and went about his business. _

_"You want some blood Spike?"_

_The vampire looked up with shocked, blue eyes before dropping his mask back on and sneered._

_"Well, yeah you bloody wanker. Can't get enough of the stuff can I 's not like animal blood got the same power human does."_

_Xander watched in the corner of his eye how the vampire bit his lip to keep himself from saying any more. Reading between the lines Xander determined that he was indeed correct and that the current feeding was positively starving the vampire. _

_He got a big cup and filled it up with two bags of 0-positive, he then warmed it in the microwave for exactly 30 seconds before heading back to the vamp with his offering while he himself drank a cup of tea. _

_"Here ya go."_

_Spike seemed to steel himself before tasting, but then his eyes flew up and he lowered the cup, very, very slowly. _

_"This is human," he said in a completely emotionless voice._

_"Yes it is. Bon appetite."_

_Not saying another word Xander settled on his bed with a book in his lap, taken from his stash in the wall safe he'd built here as soon as he'd ' moved in'._

_"Remote's on the table if you wanna watch some TV, keep the volume down though."_

_Having said that he returned his eyes to the book on elemental magic that he was reading. Absently he noticed when the vampire started to relax and when he heard the TV being flipped on he smiled slightly. Phase one. _

_After having studied for a few hours Xander yawned and got up off the bed. He went about his evening business and then got a blanket and a pillow which he unceremoniously put on the couch. Now for the test of fire. _

_"I'm going to bed now, please don't wake me unless it's an emergency."_

_"Hey!"_

_Xander turned at the indignant exclamation._

_"I'm not your bloody fire alarm and weren't you going to tie me up?"_

_Xander sighed._

_"I can if you really want me to, but I'd really rather not."_

_"What's this then?"_

_Spike's eyebrows were through the roof and made a gesture that Xander supposed was to encompass the blanket and the cup and the TV._

_"This is me being a good host, Spike. I don't agree with what the Initiative is doing and _

_you've come to us for asylum. The others may not know what that really means, but I do and this is me accepting your plea after some consideration. This is me extending my hospitality and my protection to you. Do you accept?"_

_Spike blinked once and was quiet. _

_"What protection would that be the mate, you're the bloody Zeppo."_

_Xander smiled. _

_"I'm not, Spike. I'm really not. Angelus learned that a long time ago, perhaps he never told you that."_

_"I heard him ranting something or another about a boyo playing white knight to the slayer. You?"_

_"Me? Always me, this is the Hellmouth Spike. Things are never exactly as they seem, not you, nor I. I am not useless in a fight and I never have been , however before I get into any of that I need to know if you accept my offer of asylum? This is me offering, not the Slayer. What'll it be?"_

_"What'd you want in return?"_

_"I want your loyalty and respect. That's it. I'd also like someone to spar with and talk to about things that the Zeppo shouldn't know and someone to watch my back as I watch theirs, those are side benefits though. I'll provide you with shelter, food and protection in return. Do you agree?"_

_"'S that all?"_

_"Yes, Spike that's all. Needless to say of course is that all that goes on without the Scoobies present is our secret, with them our masks will resume, for now at least."_

_"So you're offering to put me under your protection? What of the slayer, she'll likely want to dust me for real one of these days."_

_"If you agree to my terms you're under my protection yes, that means that I protect you, period."_

_"And you want nothing other than what, companionship?"_

_Xander sighed, he could see where this was going now. _

_"Spike listen too me very carefully, I will outline this for you line by line. This is not me offering you protection in exchange for your 'companionship'. I am not looking for a consort or a courtesan. You will not be expected to act like my servant, be it in terms of menial labour or sexual favours. I, Alexander Harris** Lavelle** is asking for your respect and loyalty in exchange for protection, now do. You. Agree.? If you'd prefer we could make it a case of temporal fealty, all I ask is that you let me know before you wish to end our agreement."_

_Spike stood straighter and locked eyes with Xander._

_"You're a Lavelle?"_

_Xander nodded._

_"As is my real father. And yes I do know about our reputation in the demon world and I hold true to some things, others not so much."_

_Spike watched him quietly for a moment before nodding curtly._

_"In that case, temporal fealty it is. Bound in blood…for both our sakes." _

_The last part was said as an afterthought and Xander nodded again. Yes, blood was binding in a whole other way and they needed that. Going from enemies to a bond of fealty and in secret no less, they would definitely need that extra security for their own peace of mind. While thinking this and mentally going over once again the significance of what he was about to do Xander went to the secret safe and retrieved an athame._

_"Wrist okay?"_

_Spike nodded._

_"Sharing or blending?"_

_"Sharing is better…"_

_Xander brought the knife down first on his own wrist and then grabbed spikes and did the same, cutting a bit deeper for the vampire, but not by much since Xander still had some healing capabilities left from his possession. _

_"I Alexander Lavelle also know as Xander Harris offer you Spike, William the Bloody, Master Vampire of the line of Aurelius, my protection with all that it entails in exchange for loyalty and respect with all that is required by fealty."_

_He raised a questioning eyebrow towards the vampire at his choice of wording, wondering if it was okay, he hadn't gotten to that part of his research yet so he only knew the basics of such things. Spike only nodded though and continued on._

_"Protection has been offered and accepted. A pact of fealty has been made. I Spike, William the Bloody of the order of Aurelius agree to your terms Alexander Lavelle. Your honor is mine, my life is yours. 'Til we break our ties so will it be." _

_He then offered his bleeding wrist to Xander who accepted and offered his own in return. Spike accepted but didn't bend his head to suck on the wound before Xander had done the same. Xander sucked hard and drew in a mouthful of blood. Spike did the same and then carefully licked the blood away. Xander released his arm then and spoke:_

_"Bound by blood." _

_Spike gave a kiss to the healing cut on Xander's arm, released it and then he also spoke:_

_"Sealed by blood."_

_Xander smiled. _

_"Let's get out of here, I want to go home." _

_He put the still bloody athame in a chest in the safe and pulled on his shoes. Then he punched in some numbers on his phone to redirect his calls and they headed out._

That had been the beginning of a beautiful friendship, one that Xander had missed sorely. He sighed and kissed Spike's forehead once more.

"Ready to talk, Blue Eyes? Then tell me everything."

So he did. Spike told him about everything since heading down to the seal at the Hellmouth. He talked and he talked about his fear, about Buffy's last words, about dying and coming back, about being a ghost and being turned corporeal again and finally he talked about Angel…

"It's like he's got split personalities or somethin' Xan. It just don't make any sense, he plays more head games than Angelus and Dru did put together. I can take it, but I don't want to have to. I want a life Xan, I'm tired of him, tired of family, I want peace and I want to be free, just that, nothing more. I want to fight too, just not like this. I want to fight because I choose to, not because of orders and threats, Xan. I'm tired of the nitpicking and the headtrips and the fighting without having proper food to eat, with nothing sustaining me, but bare essentials and no affection. Living with Dru with all her crazyness was never this bad. I miss you, Xan, we still have fealty right? It didn't go away 'cuz I died or whatever, right? If it did, I can swear it again, no worries. I'm sure you've got a knife on you somewhere, I'd offer to look for one, but you know they keep all things weapon like away from me unless I'm fighting. 'Ey Xan? What'd you say?"

Xander's eyes were filled with tears and the water was running freely down his cheeks onto the soft blonde locks below his chin. It was heartbreaking hearing Spike, proud, defiant Spike babbling and pleading like this.

"You were to tell me before breaking the bond and you never did, you know. So to me it still holds, I think technically though such things end at death."

The body in his lap tensed and he hurried to reassure his friend.

"However that may be, we can always to it again if you want us to. Otherwise I would like to claim you. It's something I regret not doing before, if I had you'd have never had to suffer through all this. Spike, Will… I'm so sorry for not being here, for not protecting you and taking care of you. I will do my best to do so from here on out, oath or not, but I would really like to claim you as one of my pack. I'll make sure that you're free to roam the world if that's what you want, but I'd like to have this bond with you. To always know you're safe. You don't have to decide now. In fact, I insist that you take some time to think about it, I know it's a big step, especially considering that you are a master vampire and considering the abuse you've suffered before. I won't be offended if you say no, we'll do whatever you're comfortable with. Think on it, in the meantime I want you to take some of my blood, okay baby? You're too thin, don't worry about hurting me, I've merged with the Hyena now so I'm in better shape than you are…"

Xander pushed Spike's head towards his neck and held it there until he could feel the fangs gently piercing his skin. Feeling the soft pulling of blood he closed his eyes and sighed in contentment. Just then the door to the room opened and Xander could feel Angel's presence there. With lightening swift movements he got out one of his throwing knifes, the ones he had had specially made many years ago, lined with silver and wood, and aimed it at the doorframe just beside the master vampire's head where it landed with a dull thud.

"Leave, Angel. We will speak, later."

With another knife held pointedly, aimed a bit more to the centre of the opening Xander waited patiently for the door to close. As the door closed firmly shut Xander could feel Spike relaxing and resume his slow pull of life essence from his body.

A little while later, much later than he normally would have Xander gently tugged at the soft locks once more.

"Enough."

Spike immediately stopped drinking and retracted his fangs before gently lapping at the wound with his tongue before giving up a content sigh and burrowing his nose in the juncture between neck and shoulder.

"Thank you. Missed you. Love you. Tired."

Xander chuckled quietly.

"I love you too and you can sleep when we get back to the hotel, I'm gonna be dropping you off there and then I'm coming back here and me and Angel will have a long talk where I will speak and he will listen. That will be followed by a fight, an apology and a little magic. Then hopefully we'll have your sire sane again for the first time in a really, really long while. Now scoot."

Spike sighed, but quickly acquiesced and stood up from his safe haven, looking for all the world like the brash master vampire of years past.

Xander smiled encouragingly at the brave front and they headed out through the door.

Heading out of the room Spike walked a step behind Xander and it felt good to be able to depend on someone again. Xander was there for him, to protect him and he would do anything in his power to make that happen. That essentially meant that Spike was now as safe as he had ever been. Xander in alpha mode was a force to be reckoned with and right now his every move exuded danger and protection. Spike was a master vampire, but that didn't matter in this situation. No matter how strong you were or how big and bad there was always someone bigger and badder, stronger and simply better.

Xander was all of those things now and Spike did not feel like a smaller man for deferring to him. He had known since that day of their initial bounding that the man before him took him at face value. He did not think that power immediately meant that you were in the right, judge feelings as weakness nor did he think that ensoulment meant good or demonic heritance bad. He took you for what you were and was amazing at seeing straight through masks. That preacher freak had called him 'the one who sees' and that was the gist of it really, Xander saw, had always seen and acted on what he saw, regardless of what may stand in his way. He knew the need for secrecy and he could read people, he knew that truth was not always something that one could face head on and he acted accordingly.

Spike had many times pondered over his relationship to the dark man and had finally come to understand that he could not be summed up in an easy way. It was like he had said that time those years ago '_Things are never exactly as they seem, not you, nor I'. _The mask of the goofy boy Xander that had been worn for so long was not the real Alexander Lavelle. That was a man that Spike had slowly come to know over the years and one he respected as hell. He was a brother, a comrade in arms, sometimes a father figure, strange as that had been to figure in the beginning it was simply so. Xander took care of you, that's what he did, it didn't matter that he was absurdly young, in his eyes you could see age old wisdom and in his arms you found acceptance and comfort no matter who you were, if you let him be there for you, he would be.

_Spike lay naked in a nice plush bed, under soft fluffy blankets reliving memories not yet repressed by his years of practice._

_"No, no, no. You like that you bloody animals, like my tight ass, always knew the military bred perverts. Par for the course ey? They teach you rape in between reciting the fucking constitution maybe? Fucking poofsters. Hey, wanna go a bit harder, didn't feel that in my throat!"_

_Shaking and cursing while tears fell down his face Spike was hardly aware when strong, warm hands started to stroke his hair, a soft voice sang some old British tune, smoky tenor half whispering of springtime and dancing in the meadows, of old folks and peace of the ages._

_After a while he relaxes and wakes enough to hear the words…_

_'Walk on by, my lad of sunshine_

_Let the crops grow high with gold _

_Shine with hope the morning cometh_

_Ne'er let there here be cold_

_So long as summer's in our hearts_

_We'll find our joy now as then_

_Dance around us lad of sunshine_

_And we'll ne'er cry again' _

_The voice continues to sing softly until it stops, though the warm hand continues to stroke his hair and the back of his neck. Without really knowing how Spike finds himself cradled in strong arms and seated halfway on someone's lap. He knows who the person is that's holding him, but it's not really important right now because he is being held and caressed in a completely platonic way, something that hasn't happened to him since his early childhood. He can't smell any pheromones in the air only earth and fire, not deadly fire, life-giving fire, the sunshine of his mortal years. He sighs and snuggles in deeper into that comforting embrace, accepting that he is protected in this physical plane for now. _


	3. Allegiances

**_Allegiances _**

* * *

"Who the hell are you and where do you think you're going?"

Spike tensed as the familiar voice of Gunn challenged Xander.

"Name's Xander, you might've heard of me, or maybe not any ways I'm leaving now, with Spike. I'll be back later, now if you'll excuse us…"

"Look bubba, your name's familiar, but the boss man's got orders on the bleach blonde."

"Yes."

Xander's voice was eerily calm, something that would have been a warning for wiser men or those who'd faced him before.

"I heard about that. Angel's been overruled though; don't worry about it I'll talk to him later, we'll work this all out. Now, excuse us."

The last line was unmistakably an order and Xander neatly sidestepped the black man to continue on his way when he was grabbed. A swoosh of movement in the air and the assaulter was down on the floor.

"Hey!"  
The voice of a woman sounded higher than normal in the silence that followed.

"Fred." Spike said low as an explanation for Xander.

"Figured with the red hair, she hostile?"

"I think she likes me, but she's loyal."

Xander sighed.

"I'd rather not hurt them. Where's Wes?"

The name called Gunn answered that question with a yell.

"Wes, get your ass out here!"

"Good man," Xander said as he released the man and let him stand up under careful watch.

"What in the world is going on out here?"

The British man's voice sounded indignant and Xander couldn't help but smile at the changes  
shown in the older man.

"Hey Wes. Sorry about the noise, I'm just here to get Spike. If you could get your friends to back off I think we'll all be so much happier."

Wes blinked once at the veiled threat, but then did as Xander expected of him. That is the opposite of what he was sure that everyone else were expecting.

"Yes, right. Gunn, Fred, do be kind enough and step down. Mr. Harris is showing great patience with this whole affair, but we wouldn't want to aggravate him any further I'm sure."

"Wes?"

Gunn's voice sounded unsure.

"What's going on?"

"I do say that is quite obvious. Mr. Harris has come to gather Spike to do whatever it is that he might be needed for and we are going back to our business."

"But Angel?"

Wesley raised an eyebrow.

"I'm sure that Angel will get an explanation in due time, now if you would please let the  
gentlemen be on their way?"

"You sure about this Wesley?"

Fred's voice was lower now and sounded cultured. She really was Willowy like, hopefully not in regards to ending the world and such matters though.

"Yes, yes. Quite sure. Now do go on you two, there is work to be done after all."

"Of course."

"Yeah, sure thing Wes."

Gunn threw one last dark look at Xander before leaving; the redhead paused for a second though.

"Spike, you okay?"

"I'll be fine, pet. This here's an old mate of mine, nothing to worry about."

"Alright then. I'll see you?"

"Sure thing, pet. Now off you go."

"'K."

Xander felt a smile tugg on his lips as he watched the small girl turn around and head back to wherever she had come from.

"Thanks Wes, we'll be heading out now, I'll be back to sort things out later."

"Think nothing of it, I think I'll accompany you out though and maybe stay out until you've had your little talk."

"That bad huh," Xander said as they all headed for the elevators.

"Well, he hasn't tried to kill me this year, but one should never take unnecessary risks…"

"Kill you? Wesley, what the hell!"

Xander's voice was unmistakeably angry now.

"Not now, Xan, can we get out of here first."

"Fine." Xander grated out through clenched jaws. "But then, we're having a long talk mister."

"Yes I imagine we will…" Wesley's voice was resigned.

_Bloody hell man, when will you learn to keep your trap closed. _

"Well that was another useless night of being ignored and treading the bloody line. Cheers Wes, you might as well be Travers' goon for real for all the good you do those people."

"Hey Watcher man."

The voice was soft so as not to scare, but Wesley still jumped slightly, he'd been sure there was no one left in the library. He turned around and groaned inwardly at the sight that met him. It was that Xander boy, wonderful. The only person in the group that made him more uncomfortable than a 'Ripper' reformed.

"Mr. Harris, is there something I can do for you?"

The boy was sitting on the stairs toying with a cross that Wesley had never seen before. It was a black cross in stone or crystal, possibly obsidian. His expression was serious and his posture seemed relaxed but in a way that a cat might be relaxed, ready to spring at the slightest hint of danger. It was a posture completely at odds with the boy's usual behaviour something that made the warning bells in Wesley's head sound.

"Actually, that will hopefully be a mutual deal."

Xander rose languidly from the stair and proceeded to one of the bookshelves in the library where he removed some books to get at something in the back of the shelf. Opting to remain where he stood for the time being Wesley's right hand travelled behind his back to finger one of the throwing knives that he had hidden there. However the boy had not produced a weapon, simply a book which he brought to the 'research table'.

"You know, Wes, I'm actually quite adept at recognizing masks, I guess you could call it a survival instinct of sorts. Living on the Hellmouth, things are seldom what they appear, so you have to look for what does not appear, but simply exists. I can sense power in you Wes and sometimes I find myself seeing more in you than what you show. It intrigues me and worries me and I want to know what it means. But mostly I want to know one thing; are you a threat to me and mine Wes?"

Wesley stared and felt his mind swirling with new possibilities. That little speech had not held much information really, but that it was made at all and in this way was what gave the information away. There were two conclusions he could come to either Xander Harris was not what he appeared to be or he was not Xander Harris period.

"Yes, you must indeed know a great deal of masks, seeing how you seem to have changed your entire personality tonight Mr. Harris."

There was a soft laugh as the young man seated himself on a chair.

"And ain't that the truth. Have a seat Wes, talk to me, you can keep one hand behind your back if you like. Personally I find it rude to show such little trust, then again, I guess you could call me biased."

Xander or whoever he was grinned and a chair was pushed out on the opposite side of the young man, definitely not a boy this one, whatever else he might be. Wesley only hesitated for a moment before he removed his hand from behind his back and went to have a seat. That was the beginning of a very strange night and the start of what would become one of his most important friendships to date.

As the doors on the elevator closed Xander caught a glimpse of the dark avenger himself standing calmly outside of his office, boring holes into the sliding elevator doors. So he wasn't going to challenge him just yet, that was good. Xander would rather not have this done with Spike still present in the building, the blonde vampire needed rest in a safe environment and to be able to just be for a while. And of course the power in Xander's blood was quite substantial, but Spike was still malnourished though not as much so. Feeding him in that manner had worked even better had he been a sire or a claimant, however, as always it was not the physical that needed nourishment with Spike as much as the emotional. The blonde was so much more fragile than most people would think, though he was damned strong too considering the life he'd led and gotten through still halfway sane. Xander smiled sadly at the all too familiar thought as they headed out of the elevators and went to grab a taxi outside.

At the Plaza Hotel Xander gently ushered Spike to the adjacent room in his very expensive suite, well a suite that would have been very expensive had not Xander lived there for free courtesy of Methos, the hotel owner's silent partner. It beat the Watcher Council's single bedroom any day of the week.

"That's your room for however long we stay here Spike, there's some heated blood ready for you in a thermos and the jacuzzi's got your favourite bath oil, go luxuriate or whatever just remember that the windows aren't sun proof. Sorry, but I don't have the formula for that, yet. Me and Wesley will be down at the restaurant and then I'm heading over for WolframHart again. Your key is on the bureau in your room so is a credit card and a cell phone, my number is on speed dial one. Anything you want before we head out?"

Spike who had been busy checking out the advanced entertainment system of the main room looked up with a distracted face.

"Huh? No, that's fine Xan, thank you. Go on a head now, I think I'll be able to find me some amusement…"

Xander chuckled.

"I'm sure. I'll see you later."

"Uh hu, see ya Xan."

Smiling amusedly Xander gestured to Wesley and the two of them headed off to talk and to relax a bit before the upcoming confrontation.

"I feel I should offer my apologies about Spike first off to you Alexander. I did not know that he was one of yours, but I'm afraid that might not excuse my actions or rather lack of action in this matter. I have noticed for some time that Angel has been a bit, off, if you so will and given my past as a Watcher I should have watched more closely what was really going on."

"It's not my place to forgive you Wesley and at any rate we all make mistakes. You told me eventually about his return, late is better than never, I would have thought that you regarded me in a higher opinion than to keep such secrets from, but I can understand why you chose silence for so long."

His voice was low and spoken in a bland tone, though not furious or unsympathetic towards the other man Xander was still not pleased and he needed that fact to be known.  
Wesley looked down at the pint of beer in his hand and sighed.

"I know he was with you all in Sunnydale, know you would have wanted to know about him being back no matter if he was your friend or not, but I rationalized. I figured it wasn't that important, you were probably just relieved to be rid of him anyway and I, I needed to be firmly with Angel on this. It wasn't that I sided with him against you, you understand, I would never do that, but I… You know I just… Oh bloody hell Xan, I don't know, it's just I've built a life here and I've fought together with these people for years and when Angel told me that Spike was a threat I had to take his word on it. We've been a team for so long and I… I just can't conceive of him not being who I thought he was, I betrayed him once before, I couldn't face it again. I know he's not turned into Angelus, at least I'm mostly sure of it. I doubt that Angelus could keep up such a charade at helping people and you know, being broody. So I want to trust him, I want this to be real… And I'm not putting this very eloquently, am I? What I want to say is that I am sorry and I can only promise that I will try to do better."

After that speech Wesley went quiet and gazed down once more while Xander sighed inwardly. Well wasn't this just fucking great. He lived his life in the shadows, secrets and lies were some of his tools for keeping the world safe and that sometimes meant that shit happened.

"I understand Wesley. Really, I do. A team is a team and you deserve to be apart of one, but Angel's not in a good place and from what I have gathered, he hasn't been for quiet some time."

Actually, Angel had not always been all there even back in Sunnydale, but things had definitely gotten worse if what Spike told him was anything to go by. Of course his behaviour towards his childe could just be family issues, but Xander doubted that and from what he had heard, so did Lorne and being who he was, Lorne was definitely trustworthy.

"You have got to accept that if you want to be able to help him and the world. As for no rationalization, we all do it from time to time, I wish my trust was worth more to you, but really, I had no reason to expect that after all this time."

Wesley closed his eyes in pain at hearing those words spoken so matter of factly. He felt the impact of every one of them as if they were knives, slashing him deeply with every syllable spoken. Ah, sweet mother of Christ, he really was a turncoat, a fucking coward, all these years fighting, thinking that he was changing, growing as a person he had actually been spiralling downwards slowly until he had become the man the slayer gang of Sunnydale had once thought him to be. Everyone, but Xander that is.

"Come on Wes, you're really starting to get the hang of it. One more holding pattern and we'll go to weapons next."

"Fuck you, you bloody slavedriver. I've been tossed on my ass so many times today my buns are burning hot enough to steak some eggs on them! Let's get some knife throwing practice done instead, at least there I can give you a run for your money."

Wesley's voice was strained and he felt extremely irritated. This wasn't what he did. Wesley Wyndam-Pryce didn't do this sort of hand to hand or melee. He did knife throwing, magic and shooting, crossbows or guns, he did not get up and close to the people or creatures he was fighting. That wasn't how he'd been trained, sure, he knew the basics, but that wasn't what they wanted him for. To the Watcher Council Wesley was a chameleon, a spy. He'd tried to get away from that, tried to work harder as to be regarded as an actual watcher, but they didn't want him as such. Or rather Quentin bloody Travers didn't want him to be that, didn't want him to be anyone that might be regarded with any sort of respect by the Watcher's society, Wesley was to close to the throne for comfort, his father having been the former head of the Council before his untimely death, probably by treachery, but that would of course never be proven.

_Anyways, so Wesley had of course had the usual Watcher training, but not so much with the fighting part, apparently he was more 'suited' to take care of 'important matters' that didn't include actually teaching slayers to survive, rather work as a spy or well, yeah so this was he first actual spy job, but still it was bloody annoying that the only way he could get even close to working the field was by working as a watcher for a slayer but also doubling as a spy for Travers… And tripling for his own agenda of course which consisted of actually trying to make sure that the Hellmouth's protectors could work in peace. That meant of course that he had to alternate between playing at being Travers faithful little lapdog and actually trying to help out in the shadows as much as he could. His biggest job was to make sure that Travers didn't catch on to how much of what was happening here that Wesley didn't report. Oh, yes and of course staying alive himself was quite high up there too. Ouch, bloody hell, that hurt! _

"Wesley! Are you okay? Where the hell were you, I could have seriously hurt you then if I hadn't managed to switch in the last second. Jesus."

Wesley groaned. This was so unfair, that boy didn't have to learn this stuff. He just had it in his head. Pre-packaged as it were. All right, so that wasn't exactly fair, there was a difference between actually knowing to how fight and knowing how to fight. Xander had explained the difference to him during that long conversation they'd had in the library that first night of laying down masks.

"I must say this is simply fascinating. So you have been possessed by a primal spirit that you have managed to cage in your mind. You have the memories of an alternate you who were a special operations soldier and died at the age of 34. This in and of itself is remarkable, but what I find most impressive is your mental shielding, I could sense nothing magical or strange about you at any time, well almost. Now that I think on it, this must be the reason that I have felt so uneasy being around you at times. Perhaps you have let something 'slip' as they say a t these moments?"

Xander met his eyes with amusement.

"That's pretty much the sum of it and thanks, by the way. My shielding is really good, but it's not perfect which I think is the reason why I attract supernatural attention at times, I think though perhaps that it is not as much a case of my shields dropping as it is of your being sensitive to these things. I think maybe your senses in this are on par with some demons. What'ya think?"

"Yes, well. That may be the case perhaps. My mother on her side of the family has many priestesses in line dating back several hundred years. It may be that I have inherited a greater part of that gift than other male descendants before me due to my father's somewhat supernatural background as well."

"That sounds like a probable cause. And now that we've gone over all the basics about our respective masks what do you say about my playwrite? We will spar together and work together, I could really use someone who knows what he's doing with research and magic and I'm not going to keep you on the sidelines, we'll hunt together too. You keep my secrets and I'll keep yours, comrades in arms and all that."

"Yes." Wesley smiled. "I do think that's a very good idea indeed Mr. Harris."

"It's Alexander if you're going for formal otherwise, you're welcome to call me Xan."

"Alexander then, you have a deal."

They shook on it and Wesley felt a great warmth settle in his chest at the genuine sunny smile aimed his way..

Well all right so Wes had agreed to the current way of things, but sparring with Alexander still bloody hurt. Wasn't the other man's fault though, some lessons just had to be toughened out.

"Sorry Xan, my mind wandered."

Xander met his eyes with an understanding nod, but still chastised him.

"I know you've got a lot on your mind Wes, but if you don't keep your head in the game you will get killed and call me crazy, but I've really gotten fond of having you around. Yes, your still better at me with the knife throwing, but I can use knives and knowing different sorts of hand to hand will save your life one day so please, stop being such a prat and take your bloody punishment like a man."

Wesley laughed.

"Please don't ever try passing for an Englishman, Alexander. Your accent is simply horrific. I know that you are right about the hand to hand combat moves. I do need much more practice with it, but my soddin' buns hurt!"

At that Xander too had to laugh and then shake his head.

"I'm sorry Wes, I know how hard this must be for you, you're supposed to know this. We'll rest for tonight okay? We'll just do some stretching and then maybe we could call it a night and head over for Excess and some downtime? You can whoop my ass at knife-throwing tomorrow and we can work on my very bad psi-balls, it's Saturday, let's have some fun."

The last thing in the world that Wesley would have ever expected, no strike that, it wasn't even on the list when coming to Sunnydale, was being taught military hand to hand by a male teen before going to a club with said underaged young man for dancing and flirting with strangers of both sexes. Of course it helped that said teen really had the life experience of a 34 year old alternate self and his own life put together and spent a fair part of his nights patrolling for demons on the mouth of hell.

"Fucking Hell! Wesley I came as soon as I heard, are you okay? No, no of course you aren't, stupid question. Wes do you want me to kill her for you? I swear just say the word and Faith is dead."

Alexander. His voice was firm and his eyes held a mixture of anxiety and fierce protectiveness.

"I'm so sorry I wasn't there to save you, Wes. Jesus, what did she do to you? Dead, do you hear me? Just say the word."

Wesley smiled a pained little smile.

"Thank you, Xan, but right now I just want to forget this whole thing ever happened if it's all right with you. Thankfully the child has a lot to learn yet about proper torture."

"Yeah, too bad she didn't listen to you huh?"

"I am to blame too Alexander, I had to weigh my responsibilities to my slayer against the Council and I am afraid I misjudged how unstable she was. A slayer she is, but a child and I forgot. Stupid of me, I should know about rebellion after all…"

A tired sigh and Xander reached for his hand, squeezing it tightly.

"I'm glad that you don't want her dead Wes, however, the offer still stands. Faith is to blame for her own actions, no matter what you could have done better to help her. You did not hurt her; she had no right to hurt you. I've been as nice as I'm going to be, if she comes after any of you again she's going down."

Steel in the tone now and Wesley knows that he means it. There is no length that Alexander will not go to in order to do what he feels is just and to protect his friends.

Wesley tightens his grip on the warm hand that is clasping his and he feels a lock of his hair being pushed to the side.

"Sleep Wes, I'll watch over you."

"Wes? Where'd you go off to?"

Wesley's eyes refocused on the tanned face of his friend.

"Oh, I'm just taking a trip down memory lane and reminding myself how much better a friend you have been to me, that is all."

"Wes, come on. You're not that bad, we all make mistakes. I've made my share if you remember and even more since you left and I will definitely not be up for sainthood anytime soon."

"Right."

Wesley's smile was strained.

"You do have a penchant for doing stupid or even positively bad things."

"Yep stupid and bad doer, that's me."

"Yes, one might even go so far as to say that you act almost insane at times."

"Yep, insane that's me. Oh, hey! You made a joke. Good for you Wes, are we done with the self-pitying now? I really need to know some things like what this thing about Angel trying to kill you is all about."

The switch from goofy Xander shaped friend to the serious face of Alexander was as always instantaneous and Wesley sighed.

"I was hoping that you might have forgotten that, but I suppose you need to know about it."

And so Wesley continued to portray the whole Angel, Darla, Connor, Cordelia story and other little bits and pieces that had happened during the years that he for some reason or another had failed to mention.


End file.
